The Second

Second children are great for many reasons. They usually are more agreeable, go with the flow easier, are more self entertained or have their sibling to amuse them, so in a lot of ways they are a lot easier. However, when it comes to keeping a good nap schedule I beg to differ.

If you are super mom or a saint then you should not read this post~Who ever can keep their second on a strict schedule either has or is the following:
1-Grandparents to help
2-Their kids are spread 6 years or more apart (goes to school full time)
3-They have no life
4-Their kid is a saint

Now I am referring to the youngins who are supposed to take 2 naps a day. they go from 3 to 2 relatively quick but keep the second until 15-18 months, maybe longer. With my first I was so strict. I made sure I was home for naps and bedtime right on time! I was not flexible and well neither was my son, perhaps that was my fault. But to say the least he was my first, I read all the books and did what they told me to and really what the hell else did I have to do? It is not like there was preschool to drop off or pick up, or sports etc...Maybe if your second or third or however many you have is in daycare, perhaps they have 2 naps a day because things are scheduled and because they are in one place all day long so they can do so. Honestly I do not know much about daycare other then what I hear from others who take their kids there. So if you are a stay at home parent and have 2 kids relatively close together there is no "schedule" for the second. I mean you try, you really really do but how do you maintain two naps a day? I do not have family around to  help, no retired grandparents that can come over while I run errands or no grandparents to take my son or pick up from preschool. My kids are 2.5 years apart. I have a life, or at least I try. And while my kids are great kids they are no saints!

So my daughter is stubborn, and let me tell you why.  Around 8 months of age or so she fell out of her crib because she was so pissed off at me! I had rocked her for 20 or more minutes and decided to leave her to figure it out.  As I walked away she began to scream her little head off and pull herself up on the crib rails. To avoid listening to all the screaming I went outside to retrieve my bag from the car and to just take a deep breath and repeat "serenity now, serenity now" to myself. I was literally outside 2 minutes if that and when I came back in I heard a thud...I thought what was that, she must have thrown something. And then I heard the crying getting louder and louder. She pushed open her door and came crawling out screaming her head off! (she was not walking yet) And after checking her over and calming her down I just broke out dying of laughter. It was pretty darn funny she was so pissed she hurled herself out of her crib! Needless to say we lowered the crib before bedtime and I am happy to report it has not happened since:) Well the falling out, the screaming still happens...

Back to the issue of 2 naps. I have whole heartedly tried to do what the "experts" tell me to do. Nap times between 9 & 10a.m. and 1&3 p.m. start times. Well it was easy when my daughter was portable but she is 14 months now and is so stubborn lately. I diligently will come home from taking my son to preschool and put her down for her nap at 9:30a.m. which she does relatively easily. The only problem is I have to wake her up to get my son from preschool! The 2 hours and 15 minutes is just not enough by the time I get home and get her down and well its time to go back and get him, and DON'T even get me started on the 2 hours and "15" minutes, are you flipping kidding me? Why can't it be 2 and half hours like everyone else at his age group? Does it really make that much of a difference? Oh I could go on about that for days so I'll get back to the subject at hand. So I have to wake my daughter up after an hour or less somedays of a nap, why bother right? I don't know? I guess I've been trying to do what is "best" for her according to the "experts" who write the books.  Then when it comes time for the afternoon nap-Oh it is just ridiculous because I would say 85% of the time she gives me the worst time and refuses to sleep! I'll hold her but that only works half of the time. I'll leave her to cry or play in her crib but even after an hour she is still awake either screaming at me or talking away.  By that time it is either 3:30 or 4 and well it isn't likely she is going to sleep so she just goes to bed early. But then on these days her night sleep is usually worse. You would think the opposite but it is not true, kids sleep better when they have better day time sleep.  Anyhow some of my friends have been telling me to just go to one nap and I've experimented before but it was usually bad results but more and more I'm just going to do it I mean really is her brain going to suffer that much? Plus my sanity would appreciate a one good long nap verses 1 short and maybe one more short nap with a child who is losing her mind by 5p.m. and a mommy so frazzled and stressed out because she can't make dinner or spend any quality time with her son because she spent most of her afternoon trying to get her kid to sleep! Not to mention a husband who makes me feel guilt for considering going to one nap so soon "but what about her brain development?" he'll say...WTF are you home all day every single day with no such thing as weekends? I'm not saying my husband isn't a great help and a great dad and husband but sometimes I have to look at him and say uh.....you're joking right?

I don't know I just wanted to vent a little on this subject. If you have thoughts or would like to share some of your experience please do!

Sleep

Do you sleep? Are you a morning person? Well I don't on both accounts. How is it that some people are morning people? I just can't wrap my brain around it. My mom is a morning person and it always drove me crazy as a kid because I was not and I am still not. I remember on Saturday mornings when I did not have soccer to get up for she would come in my room at 8 or 8:30ish in the morning and tell me it was noon-"its time to get up! Its almost noon!" I would scowl at her and she'd keep coming back every half an hour so it is not like I got any more good sleep! Don't you know teenagers sleep? I mean they kind of revert back to babyhood in a way-they're bodies are growing like mad and they are tired, plus they stay up late so....Anyhow so I am not a morning person, we've established that right. Well it gets worse when you have kids! Young kids, babies and toddlers and well honestly I am not sure at what age they start sleeping in? First of all my husband and I seem to always walk around here in sort of a zombie like state. It is not as bad as a newborn waking up every 2 hours and who knows how long you would be up, but we still have to get up a lot. Our son has nightmares or very loud dreams so we can't sleep through it.  We often have to go into his room to calm him down or to just tuck him back in. So again, broken sleep. Then  our 13 month old wakes up like clockwork at 6:20a.m.! WTF? Well our son did the same thing only it was 5:45 or 6 a.m.! Thankfully we discovered this wonderful gadget called the "Good Night Light" it is wonderful. It has a moon for night and when the sun comes out you may get out of bed-you of course must be reasonable with it. We started when he was 2 or a little past 2 and it took a good month for him to understand the concept and we slowly set 10 mins longer every week and now it is set for 7:15 and he often sleeps longer then that! Now if we could get our daughter on the same mind set? I can do 7 but not 6-for whatever reason I just can't. And people say well try putting her to bed later....well that does not work actually it just makes it worse, and it is scientifically proven as well. You should put your kids to bed earlier not later, sleep begets sleep as Dr. Marc Weissbluth has said. It really is true because when our daughter or son go to bed late they wake up even earlier on most occasions! Like this morning our daughter woke up at 5:45! She went to bed 45 minutes later then her usual 7p.m. bedtime and well there you go...this has happened pretty much every time she goes to bed too late on her biological clock. Unfortunately, I am dumb and still stay up to have a little "me time" with my husband at night. I've tried going to bed early- the other night I went to bed at 9p.m. which is early for me and it took me forever to fall asleep and my sleep was not great, plus I got up 4 times with our son!  Now I know there are people who may have it far worse then me, or some that may think what the heck is wrong with your children!  I don't know but this is our life. I know I am not alone though, I know parents of young children often dream of their lives before kids and the wonderful sleep they used to get. Some are morning people who go to bed early regularly and their kids sleep soundly all night so they can go all day and not have any real problems, I wish in some ways I were like them. I often wake up feeling like I've been hit by a train b/c I am still so tired and could use at least 2 more hours of sleep. Once I get over the initial shock and grumbling and get my coffee I start to feel better and even for-go the a.m. nap when my son is at preschool and my daughter is napping so I can either get work done or get a work-out in, but by afternoon 2ish, I am dragging and feel so worn out and could use a 20 minute refresher. But the guilt sets in because while my daughter is taking her 2nd nap my son wants me to himself to play or work on crafts etc....I admit I will turn on the t.v. or his xbox sometimes because I am so tired I just can't focus on crafts or I just can't play another tickle me game or pretend with super heros. Does that make me a bad mom? No, I think it just makes me normal. On top of all of the other crap that needs to get done, dishes, laundry, dinner it is hard to muster up the energy for it all somedays, most days.  I have to look at my days often and think okay, I am tired but what is priority? Today I had to try to get more sleep while my baby girl slept so I could survive the day-now what suffers is my work out-I'll either do it this afternoon while she naps again but then my son doesn't get any "me" time. So its all so hard wouldn't you say? What will probably happen is we will go to the Y this afternoon so I can work out but then see, once again I am putting the kids in childcare with someone else....should I feel guilt about that too?  This blog is turning into a guilt blog and not a sleep blog-but it all ties into each other.  Sleep is what I need in order to get all of these things done during the day, and not feel so burnt out and well...tired! Ya feel me?

Must Have's

As a stay at home mom I find there are a few things you must have in order to survive-at least in my house.  These are in no particular order...

First, thank you to my mom for purchasing me the Shark Cordless Stick Vacuum! I do believe this is my favorite thing in this house. I use it nightly to vacuum up all the dirt, hair, crumbs etc...what really does it for me is that I can see exactly what I am cleaning up! I feel better about it for whatever reason. Now what would really do it for me would be a Dyson, but those things are so darn expensive-maybe for an anniversary gift. Ha Ha isn't that sad that is what I would want?  So if you are a mom out there, carpet, no carpet this is a wonderful powerful tool to have. It also has a great attachment to get cracks and hard to get to places in furniture or better yet great for your car! Car seats=crumbs galore here so I love love love it! Thank you mom!

Okay, Second, Booze. I am not saying to drink every night, but have a bottle of wine/beer or whatever your poison is on hand for those especially tough days when you feel so tired and overwhelmed you can have yourself a little sippy cup of your own after the kids go to bed.  Of course if you don't drink or like to then that is another story but it is one of my musts.

Third, Camera, duh! Okay so I am a photographer but really you have to have a camera in your house! You can get pretty great point and shoot digital camera's for pretty cheap these days and it is so important to capture your kids as they grow. Mine love looking at their photos, although sad to say most of mine are on my computer or external drive because I just don't have a lot of time to put together books. I will someday but in the mean time I'll keep them stored and show them and share with family and friends. If you are like me you live far from family and many of your best friends so it is great to receive photos as well as to get!

Fourth, some kind of work-out equipment. If you have more then one kid and stay home it can get tricky and tough to make it to the gym. You should be concerned with your health and set an example for your kids that it is important to be healthy and to take care of yourself. I used to go to the gym daily but then I had number 2 and it got hard to do with nap schedules for her. So thankfully we have an elliptical and weights so I can work out either durning her naps while my son is at preschool or when I can squeeze it in. I still go to the gym but I just can't make it there reliably at the present time so small children taking 2 naps a day still=get a treadmill, elliptical, jogging stroller or free weights and DVD's! I am currently on the P90X program which is great but hard! I would like to try the Xbox 360's w/Kinect Biggest Loser sometime after I finish this round of P90X. So just do it! Get in shape!

Fifth, a computer with internet! Like OMG how could I survive with out it? We as mom's/ dad's need to stay connected, especially as a stay at home parent! You can easily get isolated and lose contact with the outside world and do nothing but read and watch Elmo, build blocks, color all of that but you have to have contact with other people like you so you can vent or talk to via email or Facebook. I mean come on who doesn't anymore? If you don't I really don't know you and I don't know how you live like that? I need my computer time:)

So I think those are my Must Have's as a stay at home parent. I know there are a lot of little things that are helpful and things I wish I had but right now this is what saves me and makes my day's do-able!  You should try it...

Date Night At Home

It is always nice to get out of the house when you have small children and reconnect as a couple by having a meaningful conversation over dinner, or enjoying a movie, or going on a double date and again actually having a conversation that lasts more then 2 minutes with your friends, but as well all know we cannot do that every weekend. At least not us. It gets pretty expensive and to have to pay a sitter it makes it that much more expensive so I have come up with an at home date night that my husband and I enjoy a lot. We are movie people and at the end of the day we just like to sit and veg in front of the t.v. and watch a show that does not take too much thinking effort! We Netflix a lot of series that we watch during the week but on the weekend we usually will watch a movie. Usually Saturday nights we purposefully cook ourselves dinner after the kids go to bed. Our kids go to bed at 7 and 7:45 usually so we can have dinner about 8 or 8:15p.m. We will make one of our dinners in which we like to enjoy and not scarf down on a regular night while both our kids are talking loudly, screaming, or the like. We will then get ourselves a yummy cocktail to go with our meal and we will sit on the couch in our pajamas and start our movie. We often pause the movie to either A) get another drink and or B) chat about our day or something about the movie. I love this night because it is a time to relax after a long week and reconnect with my husband and I can do it in my pjs! Sure we are eating late but we usually have an "appetizer" with our kids when they are eating dinner. Most of the time eating with our kids is super rushed and never relaxing and I rarely get to enjoy my food. There are days during the week we will eat late because we got home late or whatever the case may be and I enjoy those nights too but there is something about the weekend that makes it more pleasant. Maybe because my husband doesn't have to work the next day or we stay up later, even though we shouldn't because our kids still get up early but we do anyhow. So if you want to have a little "get away" with your spouse, and you can or do put your kids to bed by 8p.m. then cook a yummy meal-do all the prep work ahead of time to save you time and pick a simple yet good dish to make. You don't need candles and all of that unless you really want to, but just a good old movie and your pajamas snuggled up on the couch with your spouse should do the trick.

Where to?

My husband tells me we should know more information as to whether or not we are moving next month. Of course we will not know where for a few more months after that-ugh. We used to be in the military so I understand the constant unknown and waiting until the last minute to tell you anything! It is very frustrating. We currently live in Indiana and were supposed to be here 3 years and then move to  a major city. Well come June our 3 years is up and while we love it here we are also curious to see what else is out there...as long as it is where I want to go! HA! Our choices to not really appeal to me. Think any major city in the U.S. such as, L.A., New York, DC, Chicago, San Fran, Boston, Detroit, etc...While I would love to get back to the West Coast where my family is at our choice is California basically and neither of us are super thrilled by that mostly because we can't afford to live there! I really really want to get away from the cold winters and the East Coast is not where I want to go at all-no offense to anyone I just hate the bitter cold and all the snow! So where can we live and afford a decent house with good schools? So far TX is our option and actually I am really wanting to go there. We have some friends scattered around and some have been or do live there. It is in the middle for both of our families and a easy flight for both which is huge when you are the one traveling with 2 kids! Although it is hot hot hot I still think it would be ideal for us. Who knows right? It is not like we have a choice anyhow-they will tell us and well that will pretty much be it. I guess we could decline and weigh our options then but in this economy at least we are guaranteed a paycheck. So where to? When? Who knows but keeping our fingers crossed for Texas-Dallas. We might have to all become cowboys and gals-Owen already said he wants a cowboy hat and boots!

Just a place to share

Okay so I started this blog as a place to share my thoughts and or tribulations. I think it is a fun way to write and share and see who else has the same problems or has some fun stories for me as well. I don't know where this blog will take me but hopefully somewhere fun and maybe I'll learn a few things along the way right? I'm not an English major so I am sure I will have a lot of grammatical errors but as long as you  can get over that and just find comfort knowing you are not alone or also want to vent the great lets be friends!

Kids are like Raccoons

Have you ever been in a hurry? Duh like every day right? I swear my children both know when I am in a hurry and they turn into raccoons. For example, its morning and we need to get out the door to get to preschool, which we all know mamma needs or she might just lose her damn mind! Anyhow, Owen lets get dressed, No. Well we need to get dressed to go to school. No. Okay well then I guess I'll just leave you home (so far this threat still works-I get scared every-time I say it though wondering when he'll say "okay!")  Meanwhile I am starting to lose my cool-finally after I begin to walk toward the door he yells "Wait Mom Wait" and begins to get upset-ah the joys. Now this is not everyday but I tell you what is everyday-okay lets get your shoes on, "okay" we wander over to our shoes and what do you know-Look there is something Shiny! I cannot help myself I must go look at it and pick it up and discover what great powers it has. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Just put your flippin shoes on! Okay I say yah that's great now get your shoes on. "Okay" we get one shoe on...Owen says look at this mom, look at this-as He balances on one foot. Yes that is wonderful can you put your other shoe on now? "Okay" Great finally now  your jacket and hat. "Okay""No No baby No No" or Screaming because she has also discovered the shiny great object now laying on the floor but big brother screams and yells because it is HIS great discovery and it shall be his all his and no one else shall ever get it! Just let her see it I say, NOOOOOOO-fine just go get in the car as I hand the "object" back to him and pick up my daughter who started crying because life is just not fair. Owen now opens the door and jumps out to the garage, does some twirls and yoga moves, I keep pushing us out the door to the car-lets go come on we are going to be late. Get screaming baby loaded and buckled up, get 3 year old buckled in-okay whew-deep breaths, okay okay 8:40 we will make it and I might have some peace and quiet for 20 minutes. Okay here we go....

While back home in the doorway to the garage lay the mysterious shiny object!